Poem
Maxine Beneba Clarke
Indiscretions
my grandma, she loved diana:
the people’s princess, after all
she’d say
that was no accident;
how convenient for the royals
squinting knowingly into the distance
in her eerie seer’s way
the princess more adored than royalty
and her brown sweetheart,
out of the way
history tells us
british royalty are accountable
to none
just ask queen catherine howard,
jailed winter, 1541:
henry the eighth’s poor doomed fifth wife,
beheaded, at his whim
royalty knows no justice
just ask queen anne boleyn
accused of adultery, and incest
and plotting to kill the king
(also failed to produce a male heir)
down came the swordsman’s swing
royalty, they tell us, is a law
unto their own
we called edward the eighth the king of hearts
for abdicating the throne
to wed an american divorcee, circa 1936,
whisper-scandalous at the (did-you-hear!?) time
but the real outrage is this:
the exiled couple courted hitler:
sympathisers, at the least
at worst,
it’s said they fed state secrets
to the german war machine
affairs beheadings disloyalties
orgies tax havens and gropes
courtiers giggling
in the hallways
that seems mostly the way it goes
history tells us
royalty are accountable
to none
just ask queen catherine howard, jailed
winter, 1541
and yet
we’re taught the prince will save us:
slashing bramble, braving moats
banishing evil from the kingdom,
as if it doesn’t tread where he goes
and now
prince andrew’s off royal duties
as the accusations sell
the sex offender he cavorted with
has died in jail, and well,
it was maybe even murder
– so the rumour mills would say –
that before he could tell us what he knew,
his secrets went to the grave
the palace advises against all press, the
prince sweats and obfuscates
i don’t recall ever meeting that girl
and the photo could be fake
it can’t have been me,
i haven’t sweated since the falklands war
(did i mention i was a soldier,
i do feel like that’s important)
perhaps it’s time the monarchy
were quietly put to bed
they’re expensive, for dinner table talk,
and keeping the tabloids fed