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Aiding and Abetzing
All evidence shows Eric Abetz’s hardline welfare reforms will not get people into work. His motives lie elsewhere.
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REFUGEES
“I’m actually quite offended by these statements.”
The immigration department secretary responds to evidence at the Australian Human Rights Commission’s inquiry into children in detention that conditions in centres are designed to “break” asylum seekers.
POLICE
“Just a bit of fun would have been to give her the police cap and have a photo taken like that. That would have been fun.”
The Gold Coast city councillor, who knows what fun is, expresses dismay at the AFP officer photographed pretending to arrest singer Lily Allen.
POLITICS
“On any interpretation of the multiple vouchers ... there is not one day the vouchers reflect the travel undertaken.”
The ACT chief justice finds former speaker Peter Slipper inappropriately used parliamentary taxi vouchers to visit wineries. She is silent on the appropriateness of the RoboCop sunglasses he wore to court.
ART
“They’re just metal birds, dear. Bunnings sells them, attached to a Gardman Antique Hanging Bird Feeder, for only $20.99.”
The conservative columnist parses Tracey Emin’s sculpture for Sydney, The Distance of Your Heart, proving his taste in garden ornaments is as poor as his taste in art.
BUSINESS
“The critics of business, the mining industry and profits, I don’t see them pegging tenements as all Australians can.”
Australia’s richest woman complains again that Australian working conditions should be more like those of Guinea. Familial litigation is also presumably better in the tiny republic.
SPORT
“A bit shit.”
The Jamaican sprinter reportedly dismisses the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow, although he is quick to deny he said this. He is also alleged to have said “the Olympics were better”, which is self-evident.