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CLIMATE CHANGE
“Exactly where it was before the US-China announcement – up shit creek.”
The former government adviser on climate change situates the government’s current policies in relation to the United States and China’s commitment on emission reduction. We hope they like $100 lamb roasts in Beijing.
MUSIC
“Another example of critics victimising an artist by purposely misinterpreting his/her work to support a pre-existing agenda.”
The X Factor judge puzzles at the meaning of his latest song, where women refusing to drink shots or participate in “girl on girl” are told to “shut the fuck up”. In the confusion, he described himself as an “artist”.
LEGACY
“He baited me one time too often and now he has to deal with the light I have decided to shine on the record.”
The former prime minister breaks his silence on Bob Hawke’s legacy, again, giving the fullest picture yet of what warring diprotodons might have sounded like before the last ice age.
POLITICS
“It is functioning, but it is in desperate need.”
A common complaint for ageing rock stars, the Cruel Sea frontman refers instead to the Palais Theatre in St Kilda, the preservation of which forms the basis of his platform as an independent in the Victorian election.
EXPLORATION
“This is a big step for human civilisation.”
The European Space Agency’s director-general augments Neil Armstrong’s famed couplet, celebrating the landing of the probe Philae on the surface of the comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko.
BANKS
“Gail’s passion for people has resulted in the development of a diverse and highly engaged workforce.”
Westpac’s chairman praises outgoing CEO Gail Kelly, who, in the interest of maintaining a diverse and highly engaged workforce, will be replaced by an old white man from February 1 next year.
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