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LAW
“Senator Brandis is one of the most competent legal minds in the country, he is an outstanding attorney-general.”
The former Queensland cop praises the attorney-general – the same attorney-general who botched reforms to the Racial Discrimination Act, does not know what metadata is, and allowed his head to become badly sunburnt at the G20 summit.
POLITICS
“It’s absolutely crystal clear, this inquiry by the president of the Human Rights Commission is a political stitch-up.”
The prime minister continues his cloddish attack on Gillian Triggs. If the speciousness and the inaction were not enough, he now adds the mixing of metaphors to his crimes.
ANIMALS
“During the day there’s no problem, but at night we now only venture outside armed with umbrellas, helmets and hats, anything really to protect ourselves.”
The resident from the Dutch town of Purmerend describes a “rogue” owl that has attacked at least 15 people, some of whom have been hospitalised. You have been warned.
APPLIANCES
“You’re seeking four stick blenders, two food processors, a – and you’re going to have to help me with this – a Thermomix?”
The Labor senator asks estimates about the kitchen needs of Governor-General Peter Cosgrove. Ludwig said he had no idea what a “Thermomix” was, but admitted he had been in “Queensland”.
SPORT
“It is with an element of sadness but a lot of pride that I have decided to retire from the Socceroos.”
The soccer player announces he is retiring from some soccer playing.
HUNTING
“Like Glenn McGrath, I know firsthand the lengths to which animal activists will go to attack and vilify anyone involved in anything the activists oppose.”
The Shooters and Fishers Party member expounds on the special bond shared between men who have shot elephants. The elephants, he continued, are a dangerous scourge. They are the owls of Zimbabwe.
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