News
Social Services Minister Scott Morrison’s ‘fluffy’ new image
His campaign to stop the boats made him the government’s toughest minister, but a new portfolio has Scott Morrison remodelling.
News
Opinion
Letters, Cartoon & Editorial
Culture
Food
Books
Life
The Quiz
Quotes
WOMEN
“At the end of the day, point blank, we made a decision on price.”
The vice-president of the Queensland Liberal National Party’s women’s group explains her decision to host an international women’s day function at a men-only club. Point blank, price is the same reason women make up less than 5 per cent of CEOs in the ASX 200 and earn 18 per cent less than men.
MEDIA
“No one could possibly take that segment as reporting on El Salvador.”
The Fox News anchor explains that when he said he “saw nuns get shot in the back of the head” in El Salvador, he was using this as a metaphor for evil. He had much less seen the murders than he had seen Barack Obama’s birth certificate.
ART
“If you look at the left-hand side of it there’s a mantle in the Oval Office and I put a shadow coming into the painting.”
The artist explains that he painted the shadow of a blue dress into his official portrait of Bill Clinton. The portrait is not on show at the National Portrait Gallery in Washington – presumably out for dry-cleaning.
EXTINCTIONS
“Very unusual call this one – we had a dinosaur on fire.”
The Queensland Fire and Emergency Services superintendent confirms Clive Palmer’s replica Tyrannosaurus rex, named Jeff, was consumed by flames. It was either an electrical fault or meteor – science is divided.
MUSIC
“It’s not every day you get to perform in front of that sort of audience – 200 million. Beats the local RSL.”
The man once robbed at knifepoint while holding a meatball sub is philosophical about his chances as Australia’s representative at Eurovision. Know this, Sebastian: the next time you are robbed, your sandwich will be filled with the hopes and dreams of a nation.
RHETORIC
“Today I inadvertently used the term suicide in regard to @TonyAbbottMHR when I meant political suicide. I apologise for any offence caused.”
The grieving dinosaur enthusiast uses Twitter to apologise for telling the prime minister to kill himself. These sorts of slips were quite common after the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction.