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REFUGEES
“Any other government, I suspect, would quickly succumb to the cries of the human rights lawyers and others.”
The prime minister boasts his proud record of human rights abuse in offshore detention centres. His is the only government you can really trust to ignore sexual abuse, refuse clean water and medication, slander aid workers and celebrate the breaching of international treaties.
ROYALS
“He had such soft hands, and those eyes... wow.”
The 19-year-old Canberran tells The Australian Women’s Weekly about meeting Prince Harry on his Australian tour. Little does she know all soldiers have soft hands.
BIGOTS
“It was 50-60 years ago people said that the Irish Catholics or the Catholics were trying to take over the joint — and that wasn’t true either.”
The opposition leader attempts to allay fears Sharia law might be forced on Australia, conveniently forgetting the Catholic make-up of the Abbott frontbench.
DISCOURSE
“I don’t remember [writing] it but I don’t give a fuck if I did.”
The Liberal Democrats senator appears not to apologise for referring to Julia Gillard as a “mangy dog”. In doing so, he trivialised the serious issues of carbon taxation and mange.
POLITICS
“I was genuine about it and quite happy to have given a new leader a chance to lead us into the election if I was an electoral liability.”
The former Queensland premier claims he would have given someone else the chance to lead his party to a historic single-term loss at the last election “if” he were a liability.
REPTILES
“That’s the challenge, isn’t it? We can’t put resources into this indefinitely.”
The Biosecurity Queensland officer explains the difficult staffing decisions being made after a dozen agents spent a week looking for a South American boa constrictor accidentally released into bushland by Gold Coast police.
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