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LEADERSHIP
“It’s a very warm, friendly relationship. In that context you’d say ‘yes’, but if you look at it now, ‘no’.”
The New Zealand prime minister tries to explain why over a six-month period he frequently pulled a waitress’s hair. The irony of a Kiwi leader disgracing himself with a ponytail rather than a sheep was not lost.
EATING
“No. None of it’s true.”
The creator of The Whole Pantry wellness app admits healthy eating did not cure her of the cancer she was only pretending to have. Pete Evans, whose paleo diet book for babies was dumped by its publisher, is similarly expected to admit to being a wanker this whole time.
BUSINESS
“No, it’s not a bad business decision at all. But it’s taken a lot of work, and it’s probably cost me a marriage.”
The actor explains how his commitment to running the Rabbitohs destroyed his relationship with Danielle Spencer. His definition of a genuinely bad business was not forthcoming.
GRIEF
“I suppose we must grieve for the lost, but at the same time we must resolve to stop this terrible problem and the only way you can stop the deaths is to stop the people smuggling trade.”
The prime minister “supposes” we might grieve for the 900 asylum seekers who drowned fleeing Libya for Italy. Mercifully, he found no plausible segue to the carbon tax.
TAX
“If you increase taxes you’re just collecting someone else’s money.”
The treasurer explains taxation, showing an exemplary understanding of how tax works. Stand by for segments on what a sandwich is and how to put on your own trousers one leg at a time.
LEGACY
“I don’t remember the photographer telling me to have any kind of attitude on my face, but I’m 90 and don’t remember.”
The model for Norman Rockwell’s wartime painting Rosie the Riveter remembers her sitting at the age of 19. She died this week, aged 92.
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