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PROTEST
“I am much relieved that telling citizen theatre performers to fuck off is no longer on my bucket list.”
The libertarian senator celebrates a tussle with protesters dressed in medieval costume outside a hearing of the senate’s inquiry into wind farms. One imagines this was the least-weird thing on the list.
STABILITY
“I would hope this wouldn’t be a thing which tears the country apart.”
The minister for social services warns that same-sex marriage might plunge the nation into chaos. Like daylight saving did.
SCIENCE
“Let me tell you about my trouble with girls … You fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticise them, they cry.”
The Nobel laureate explains why he believes in gender-segregated laboratories. He makes some good points, but they were about cell-cycle regulation by cyclin and cyclin-dependent kinases.
ENVIRONMENT
“What we did recently in the senate was to reduce, Alan, capital R-E-D-U-C-E, the number of these things that we are going to get in the future.”
The prime minister celebrates cuts to wind farms, telling Alan Jones they may have “health impacts”. Don’t be dazzled by his spelling skills, however; there is no evidence to support this.
SPORT
“Who’s that character in Harry Potter that they can’t talk about? Voldemort?”
The disgraced cyclist likens himself to J. K. Rowling’s unnameable villain. Except Voldemort would never use erythropoietin to win a bicycle race. He’s not a monster.
EQUALITY
“I am a family man. I ride dirt bikes, camp, and four-wheel drive. I race cars and love getting my hands dirty. I like to live my life without judgement and I return that favour.”
The motoring enthusiast senator announces his support for same-sex marriage. And dirt bikes. And dirty hands. And probably doughies.
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