Tony WindsorThe former member for the seat of New England announces he will run at the next election. He’d feel bad if he didn’t run, but he’d feel a lot worse if he were Barnaby Joyce.

Alan JonesThe broadcaster argues against a plebiscite on same-sex marriage. Few people know what it is to be “spiteful and divisive” like the man who stoked the Cronulla riots, who encouraged the drowning of Australia’s first female prime minister and mocked her father’s death.

Hulk HoganThe wrestler discusses himself in the third person, using his real name, as he explained the difference between the character he plays and himself during a $100 million invasion of privacy suit against Gawker, which published a sex tape in which one of them starred.

Tony AbbottThe former prime minister responds to the publication of Niki Savva’s book The Road to Ruin. In Abbott’s mind, the coals aren’t cold; they’re storing heat like a deluded hangi.

Peter PhelpsThe NSW government whip speaks against legislation regulating eyeball tattooing. In fairness, a ban on the former would probably slow down the latter two.

Paul McCartneyThe second remaining Beatle mourns the passing of Sir George Martin, who was often described as one of four “fifth” Beatles. Martin was 90.