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WAR
“I don’t retreat from it. I don’t believe, based on the information available to me, that it was the wrong decision. I really don’t.”
The former prime minister responds to the 2.5 million-word Chilcot Report which, based on the information available, found invading Iraq was the wrong decision. It really did.
POLITICS
“Our democracy at the moment is not working. The only cure we’ve got is to have a dictator like in China or something like that.”
The white goods salesman longs for a more stable system of government. GST on online shopping is the price you pay for totalitarianism.
SPORT
“I don’t love this sport. But I don’t know what else to do without it.”
The tennis player on losing to Andy Murray in the fourth round of Wimbledon. The sport, to be fair, doesn’t much love him either.
ANIMALS
“The industry is not capable, in the short or medium term, of reforming.”
The NSW premier announces plans to ban greyhound racing in the state from July 2017. If you still want to watch a hapless creature chasing an illusory treat, however, there are always his government’s casino approvals.
IMMIGRATION
“In part I think we’re victim of our own success.”
The minister for immigration argues that the success of Coalition detention policies meant demonised boat people were not a big enough issue in the election. Dutton, likewise, is a prisoner of his own humanity.
ADVERTISING
“It’s the most stupid thing I think I’ve seen in my whole life.”
The president of the jury at the Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity castigates a Nivea campaign featuring a robotic seagull that defecates sunscreen onto children.
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