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Transfield’s $1.1b offshore processing contract farce
A blistering audit of the offshore detention program reveals a system defined by untendered contracts and preferential deals raises billions of dollars’ worth of questions.
September 17–23, 2016
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Black barley, farro, hibiscus and labne salad
A sensational vegetarian salad – with just a hint of flower power.
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POLITICS
“Australia’s values and way of life are also at risk from insidious institutions such as the unelected swill that is the United Nations.”
The One Nation senator uses his maiden speech to call for an exit from the “unelected swill” of the United Nations. Roberts was elected to the crossbench with 77 first-preference personal votes, three fewer people than are blind copied on his major policy document, “Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Halal climate truth”.
ABUSE
“His attitude and the culture he fostered at the school were dismissive of allegations of child sexual abuse.”
The Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse finds former Knox Grammar headmaster Ian Paterson covered up allegations of molestation and “failed to prioritise the welfare of the boys at Knox over the reputation of the school”.
AMERICA
“I have just examined her and she is now rehydrated and recovering nicely.”
Hillary Clinton’s physician explains that pneumonia led to the presidential candidate’s departure from a September 11 memorial. Donald Trump’s doctor, by comparison, spent the better part of this week thatching his candidate’s hair.
CELEBRITY
“It’s great to come back and visit my grandparents, but there is no home connection.”
The Mullumbimby-raised rapper returns to Australia for a private gig, reportedly for Google staff, the only people who can be relied upon to quickly look up who she is.
IDENTITY
“Raising your children, paying off your home and providing for yourself in your retirement. They are a trifecta of Australian dreams that we believe in.”
The treasurer explains the Australian dream. It is called a trifecta because as a gamble it is extremely unlikely. The Australian quinella is a better bet: crippling debt and stagnant wages, in no particular order.
SPORT
“I have never fixed a match in my life. Never. I have never bribed a player or even attempted to interfere with the result of an NRL match.”
The gambling figure denies claims of match fixing. He did offer free sex to footballers, but only because he’s a good guy and he happened to own a brothel.
