News
Department of Immigration and Border Protection’s lack of preparedness on organised crime
The focus on asylum seekers has left the immigration department lacking intelligence capabilities and measures to combat crime.
September 24–30, 2016
News
Opinion
Letters, Cartoon & Editorial
Culture
Food
Read
Steamed five-spice chicken and egg fried rice
Add some spice to fried rice with this juicy, succulent chicken.
Books
Life
The Quiz
Quotes
LANGUAGE
“Your pronunciation is very bad.”
Myanmar’s leader corrects Kevin Rudd at an Asia Society meeting in New York. It’s a soft “c” in “sociopath”.
HUMOUR
“Waffen-SSM.”
The cartoonist draws gay rights advocates as Nazi soldiers. Presumably because the letters SS appear in the acronym for same-sex marriage, and because he has the wit of a freshly polished doorknob. Wait until he finds out about the acronyms for School Sport Victoria and the Australian Council of Social Service.
RACE
“I said something to Gilda about Michelle not being her boat nigger, but it came out wrong.”
The Real Housewives of Auckland cast member explains a racial slur she used to describe a black woman during the show. One day, years from now, a child will go to Book Week dressed as her.
MEDIA
“Our whole family has been dragged through the mud. She is a 17-year-old teenage girl and they should at least have done some checking.”
The father of a school leaver who was splashed on the cover of The Daily Telegraph as a “new breed of bludger” explains that his daughter is neither uneducated nor unemployed. The paper said that might be true but if you look at data from 1998 onwards the Earth is actually cooling.
LOVE
“Following the news that has shocked celebrity watchers worldwide we can confirm we have separated Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s figures.”
The wax museum responds with grace to news of the actors’ impending divorce. Models of their six children will be melted down and used to expand Jennifer Aniston’s smirk.
TRANSPORT
“I’m a great fan of subways generally.”
The prime minister finds seven truthful words to speak on his trip to New York, before he got back to lecturing the world on refugee processing.
