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PROFESSIONALISM
“I managed to do very nicely with every other fill-in except you.”
The conservative commentator complains that Miranda Devine is talking over him on radio. He threatens to hang up. Which would add female columnists to a list of hang-ups that includes: Aborigines, matrimonious gays and Malcolm Turnbull.
ART
“I have a new theory. Perhaps the Mona Lisa had syphilis.”
The art critic for The Guardian offers a tenuous case for the Mona Lisa’s enigmatic expression, based on snail water the model bought 10 years after it was painted. Syphilis also neatly explains the workings of Jonathan Jones’s mind.
RESTRICTIONS
“Prohibiting full-face coverings intends to target all coverings used to terrorise the public. Remember the clown craze?”
The Tasmanian senator pushes for a ban on facial coverings, which is obviously targeted at Halloween masks and not at Muslim women at all. Speaking of the clown craze, how is Clive Palmer?
POLITICS
“It is a sad day when someone leaves the family.”
The attorney-general reflects on Cory Bernardi’s resignation, somehow confusing the Liberal Party with the Mob, which explains the omerta held over his diaries.
EMPLOYMENT
“That’s a lot of postage stamps – I’ve got to do the calculation.”
The South Australian senator complains about revelations the head of Australia Post, Ahmed Fahour, is paid $5.6 million a year. It has not yet been explained to Xenophon that Fahour is not paid in stamps.
IMMIGRATION
“Labor cannot give Trump-like powers to a man that has such a high desire to see a divided Australia.”
The Labor immigration spokesman says he will not support Peter Dutton’s proposed amendment to the Migration Act, which could force entire sections of the community to face revalidation assessments for their visas. There is no joke for this item.
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