News
Opinion
Letters, Poem & Editorial
Culture
Books
Life
Puzzles
Quotes
DARWINISM
“What happened to the dinosaurs? How did they die off? Humans didn’t create it.”
The One Nation leader scoffs at the human-induced climate change during an interview on Today with Deborah Knight, who in that moment presumably welcomed the idea of an asteroid speeding towards her at 7000 kilometres an hour.
LEADERSHIP
“The prime minister’s job isn’t to be the court jester, it’s to be the man with the plan.”
The Labor leader vows to stop Scott Morrison running “around the country taking his happy pills”. Bill Shorten is promising rhymes in place of jokes, much like musical comedy group Tripod.
POETRY
“Scandal is his shadow.”
The United Australia Party candidate describes Barnaby Joyce, who was absent from a candidate forum. It remains to be seen whether Clive Palmer will tolerate having another poet in his party.
PREFERENCES
“He’s big enough to do that for himself.”
The prime minister takes the moral high ground, deciding not to use his announcement of a preference deal with the United Australia Party to taunt Clive Palmer, who once likened Morrison to Heinrich Himmler.
AMERICA
“That’s why today I’m announcing my candidacy for president of the United States.”
The former vice-president puts up his hand for the Democratic nomination. He promised not to put said hand on to the lower back of any women in his vicinity.
ELECTION
“How much worse does this candidate’s behaviour have to get before Scott Morrison takes action?”
Labor’s education spokesperson slams Kate Ashmor over recently surfaced letters the Liberal candidate wrote voicing support for public funding of private schools. Probably to the level of an indictable offence, if Gladys Liu is anything to go by.
Take a stand
while sitting down.
Subscribe to The Saturday Paper
for less than $2.20 a week.
Get the news you need
to your inbox.
