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FAREWELL
“It’s time to move on with other aspects of my life and let others pick up the cudgels.”
The Liberal absconder lays down his – hopefully metaphorical – nail-studded club for the last time, announcing his retirement from politics.
NEIGHBOURS
“It’s hard for Australia to be a meaningful strategic partner to a country that thinks it can bully its neighbours on the basis of confected territorial claims.”
The former prime minister says China’s actions render the rising superpower a bad neighbour and ally. Nearby, Timor-Leste rolls its eyes.
LAW AND ORDER
“It doesn’t make me happy.”
The New South Wales police commissioner is asked how he feels about the unlawful strip search of a 16-year-old girl at Splendour in the Grass. Good to clarify.
BUSHFIRES
“I don’t think that stands up to any credible scientific evidence at all.”
The prime minister rejects any suggestion that Australia taking action on climate change could have affected the fire season. His new-found respect for science may be surprising but is without doubt entirely genuine.
ROYALTY
“I continue to unequivocally regret my ill-judged association with Jeffrey Epstein.”
The royal steps back from official duties after a trainwreck interview. Of all the ill judgements he stands accused of, remaining friends with a convicted paedophile is relatively mild.
BROWBEATING
“Bullying and thuggery must be stamped out in accordance with public expectations.”
The One Nation leader says she will back the government’s union-busting bill. Bullying immigrants is apparently entirely in step with the public’s expectations.
Take a stand
while sitting down.
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