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Exclusive: The phone call that denied elderly patients access to hospital
Two months ago the government set its response for Covid-19 outbreaks in aged care – controversially, it was ‘about keeping the hospitals for the young’.
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Politics
“He’s an assistant librarian ... The camera is bored by him.”
Senior Victorian Liberals say they are considering rolling leader Michael O’Brien over his tepid performance during the pandemic. The Liberals are even considering a return to Matthew Guy, whose tough stance on crime includes only taking mobsters to bad restaurants.
Moods
“If you raise an issue of relevance now you are as irrelevant as you will ever be.”
The New South Wales Health minister begins a tirade against Labor leader Jodi McKay. He later apologised, saying he was tired.
Education
“These measures will ensure students can’t take on a study load they won’t complete, leaving them without a qualification but a large debt.”
The minister for Education outlines a policy that will cut government loans from university students who fail more than half their subjects. He’s not saying education is just for rich people, except that’s exactly what he’s saying.
Pressure
“My hair – I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect.”
The United States president complains about a lack of water pressure in American showers. The Trump administration has now proposed regulatory changes – truly – that will allow showerheads to boost water pressure.
Immigration
“Exclusive footage of beach landing by migrants. Shocking invasion on the Kent Coast taken this morning.”
The former UKIP leader shares footage of a couple of asylum seekers, including babies, invading the British coast from a dinghy. The image is conclusive proof that racism is connected to an inability to count.
Dinosaurs
“These new specimens we’ve examined reveal a bizarre, monstrous predator with teeth the size of bananas.”
The vertebrate palaeobiologist describes his research that has identified three species of “terror crocodiles”. The animals weighed up to 5000 kilograms and had extremely large noses. Co-author Christopher Brochu says: “The reason for its enlarged nose is unknown. It was a strange animal.”