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Conservation
“We are not anti-koala.”
The state leader of the Nationals clarifies his party’s position on the marsupial as a spat over koala policy threatens to tear apart the New South Wales Coalition. Say something enough times and anyone will start to believe it’s true: such as how the Nats say they care about regional Australia.
Self-improvement
“They can buy their own home so they’re not homeless.”
The Liberal MP argues against the proposed 0.5-percentage-point rise in superannuation. He instead suggests that women who are worried about becoming homeless because of inadequate superannuation should just buy a house.
China
“The group was a most ordinary social network platform on which members used to share jokes and funny memes...”
The prominent Chinese scholar rejects accusations from ASIO that he was part of a plot to influence NSW MP Shaoquett Moselmane. Thankfully the spy agency is finally taking seriously the corrupting power of memes.
Repatriation
“If you are a lobster or a crayfish, you get a chartered flight out of Australia.”
The Labor senator calls on the government to do more to help Australians stranded overseas. Crustaceans get private jets, Masked Singer judges get quarantine exemptions – we truly are all in this together.
Intimacy
“A platonic relationship … that’s very different to intimate partners, who by virtue of the fact they are intimate partners, their contact is of a different nature.”
The Victorian premier attempts to explain to reporters why couples don’t need to wear masks around one another and it isn’t awkward at all.
Secrets
“Gossip is a plague worse than Covid. Worse.”
The pontiff urges Catholics to keep their grievances to themselves. He said people should instead be reprimanded privately, which was of course very effective in stopping child abuse in the church.
Take a stand
while sitting down.
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