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“Good to see you.”
The pontiff welcomes Cardinal George Pell back to the Vatican. Embezzlement, it seems, is the only truly unforgivable sin.
Politics
“If he wants to come, I’m more than happy, but I don’t need someone to hold my hand for a week.”
The Queensland premier says she doesn’t need Anthony Albanese to campaign with her. She does, however, need sexist clichés to upbraid her opponent, Deb Frecklington.
Power
“The Supreme Court can’t control whether or not the president obeys.”
Donald Trump’s Supreme Court nominee is asked whether the United States president has “absolute power”. To confirm, the court can control whether women have reproductive freedom.
Regrets
“My efforts and sincerity have not been sufficient enough to rid our people of the difficulties in their life.”
The dictator becomes emotional as he apologises to the North Korean people for failing to improve their lives. He went on to say their suffering is the fault of the rest of the world, and typhoons.
Judgement
“We’re all human, and particularly in those areas of our lives…”
The prime minister throws his support behind New South Wales Premier Gladys Berejiklian after it was revealed she had had a secret five-year relationship with disgraced former MP Daryl Maguire. If only Barnaby Joyce had thought of this defence.
Election
“Do you know what is heartless? Thinking that someone else can cure these issues.”
The New Zealand opposition leader says obesity is a “personal choice”, just like torpedoing your own election campaign.
Take a stand
while sitting down.
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