World
Covid-19 variants cause surge in Indian deaths
Australian bureaucrat uses Anzac Day to warn of ‘drums of war’. Rescue mission for bodies of Indonesian submariners. ASEAN summit falls short on Myanmar military crackdown.
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Percussion
“In a world of perpetual tension and dread, the drums of war beat – sometimes faintly and distantly, and at other times more loudly and ever closer.”
The Home Affairs secretary warns Australia to brace for “the curse of war”. He’s requested people now call him the “Keith Moon of bureaucratic middle management”.
Medicine
“It’s only one shot, rather than two.”
The Superannuation minister incorrectly states that Pfizer’s Covid-19 vaccine is only a single dose. Sky News issued no correction, but the channel’s fact-checker is still playing catch-up from Craig Kelly’s last interview.
Internet
“My linktr.ee has also been disabled.”
The crossbench MP and noted vaccine aristarch is deplatformed from the link-sharing website. After being banned from Facebook, twice, for spreading misinformation, and from Instagram, you know it’s this one that really hurts.
Credentials
“As a medically trained person, I really genuinely just had no idea that ADHD and hyperactivity was an adult condition.”
The Liberal MP announces he’s been diagnosed with ADHD and now understands his behaviour towards women was inappropriate. Luckily the condition did not affect his ability to get three master’s degrees.
Cinema
“I have always found goodness in the people I’ve met everywhere I went in the world.”
The Nomadland director accepts the Academy Award for Best Director, becoming the first woman of colour to win the prize. Finding the goodness even in Amazon’s exploitative conditions for factory workers truly is a feat.
Dobbing
“You just can’t sit on the JobSeeker payment and expect your neighbours to cover that lifestyle.”
The Employment minister defends a new hotline that allows employers to report job applicants who don’t accept work offers. In a fair world, this hotline would just ring through to a message bank recording that politely told the caller to get a life.