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TENNIS
“Tonight they can throw him in a dungeon, tomorrow they can put him in chains.”
The father of Novak Djokovic responds to news his son’s visa to Australia had been cancelled. He likened the unvaccinated tennis player to Spartacus, possibly for his willingness to lead a virus outbreak.
VACCINATION
“We will continue to do this, to the end. This is the strategy.”
The French president announces that he intends to pass laws that will help in “pissing off” the unvaccinated. If there’s one thing anti-vaxxers hate to be, it’s irritated.
LAW
“It is clear to Ms Maxwell that based on this record alone a new trial is required.”
A lawyer for Ghislaine Maxwell petitions to have her conviction overturned after it was revealed one of the jurors who sat on her trial was a victim of child sexual abuse. Either way, she seems very guilty.
TESTING
“Well, I’d have to check with Jen, because she’s the one that goes and gets them.”
The prime minister responds to a journalist asking how many rapid antigen tests he has had to buy himself. Spoiler: Jen didn’t get enough.
FAITH
“Sometimes they have one, and that’s it; but they have dogs and cats that take the place of children.”
The head of the Catholic Church complains of the selfishness of people who have pets instead of children. He is, of course, famously celibate.
DEMOCRACY
“This is the Democrats’ Great Cover-Up Committee and the media is complicit.”
The former US president cancels a press conference scheduled to coincide with the anniversary of the January 6 uprising. Presumably the car park at Four Seasons Total Landscaping was already booked.
Take a stand
while sitting down.
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