News
The sweetheart deal that caused testing to collapse
A deal that allowed private pathology labs to claim government rebates up to 20 times for one procedure has contributed to the startling collapse of the testing system.
January 22 — 28, 2022
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Romance
“I would still be at Latitude 30 getting smashed.”
The deputy prime minister tells the country what he would be doing if Vikki Campion hadn’t said yes when he proposed last weekend. For old time’s sake, he broke the news to his ex-wife in The Daily Telegraph.
Law
“Thank you all for your good wishes on the costs order.”
The friend of a woman who accused Christian Porter of rape celebrates the news a court has directed the former attorney-general and his barrister to pay $430,000 in legal costs. There’s a cheap joke for here but it’s too expensive to make.
Parties
“Nobody warned me that it was against the rules.”
The British prime minister claims he was not told that a drinks garden party now embroiling his government in crisis violated the country’s Covid-19 lockdown. You could argue that he makes the rules, but you would be arguing with a man who thinks looking like a steamed dessert is prime ministerial.
Children
“There are changes that we need to make around the age of forklift drivers, to get quite specific.”
The prime minister asks state governments to let 16-year-olds operate forklifts, in an effort to alleviate staff shortages affecting supply chains. The only unsafe places children should be are prisons and pandemic-ravaged schools.
Film
“If you weren’t funny or entertaining or agreeing with them, they would cut you down or turn to stone.”
The showrunner behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer spends two years reflecting on his behaviour after being outed as abusive and manipulative. It turns out it was his mother’s fault.
Business
“We can see in hindsight it was inappropriate.”
The coffee roaster apologises for a promotion that offered customers two free rapid antigen tests if they spent $160. That’s about three lattes in Melbourne these days, amirite?
